We are often told to “just relax” when we feel overwhelmed. Unfortunately, it is rarely that simple.
When the nervous system has been in an alert state for a long time, slowing down can initially feel unfamiliar. Our brain has become used to scanning for potential problems.
We may notice that when we finally try to rest, our thoughts become busier rather than quieter. The quietness of rest can inadvertently signal to an alert nervous system that it needs to work harder to find the hidden danger.
This does not mean we are doing anything wrong. It simply reflects a nervous system that has learned to stay watchful.
Rather than forcing relaxation, it is often more helpful to begin with small signals of safety. This might mean gentle breathing, grounding exercises, or simple activities that foster steadiness, like holding a warm cup of tea or feeling the texture of a blanket.
Over time, these small, consistent signals help our mind recognise that it may be safe to soften its guard. Rest is not a switch we can simply flick; it is a state we must gently invite our bodies back into.